I was at a uni event yesterday and it just got me thinking…
I’ve found myself in this transitional period of my life. My 20th year has probably been the most surreal. I’ve had incredible lows, but also (through grace) found the incredible strength to overcome them.
Sometimes I feel like i’ve been chiseled and sanded down with the coarsest of sandpaper. Sanding down doesn’t make sense until what needs to fit…does.
The once unbearably painful surface of the sandpaper has almost become soothing, like gentle reassurance, that one day….everything will make sense.
Transitional assurances have shown me this. I find myself doing things I never thought i’d do, enjoying things I never considered and sharing my happiness with people I walked past a year ago. It’s beyond crazy.
I didn’t take and edit any pictures of nature or human behaviour before around July this year. The concept made no sense to me; now I find myself walking and stopping every 5 minutes to check a scene or capture something that made my mind buzz…
The weirdest thing is, it feels like these changes have become second nature.
I don’t understand how things happen, or how mentalities change.
It’s like with friends – Have you ever been in a situation where you talk to someone every single day and then suddenly find that you have NOTHING in common? How does that even happen? How do you come to realise that the way you used to think was wrong?
I’ve decided that sometimes, to realise how wrong your old mentality was…you’ve got to go into battle with it. You only realise how weak a balloon is AFTER its been pierced by a common twig. We as humans are too stubborn. I guess sometimes the pain of realising the uselessness of our armour is the only thing that’ll stop us from rolling with balloons next time we hear a war cry.
Things don’t make sense sometimes, and it’s so easy to feel sorry for myself and decide the world is too harsh but…I’m upgrading my armour.
I also think sometimes, reality checks ensure that good traits become natural. You know what I mean?
Everyone knows what it takes to be a “good person”, anyone can smile and be polite, but there is beauty in being genuine. When you start getting friendly with gratefulness, all these traits just start to make sense.
Second nature is what I need. I need to be chiseled. And I’m so grateful for all these life lessons. 20 has already taught me a few things, by grace I think i’m learning. I’m thankful for opportunity and the choice of growth.
Positivity is a mess when it’s forced, so lets be real! Ish hurts sometimes. But I think I’m starting to understand..
I’m looking forward to fitting in.